How Misidentifying Superman Equals an Afternoon Off of Work
“Look up in the sky! It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
Imagine, for a second, a crowd gathered outside. If you don’t want to imagine (because you happen to be reading this on a monday morning), fast forward to the :23 second mark in the above video. If work blocks Youtube, then go back to imagining. If you subscribe to my blog via email, you can either imagine or go to my actual blog and watch the video. Ok, I’m done.
Where was I?
Alright, so you’re in a crowd. Everyone had to evacuate the building because the fire alarm is going off. You’re mad, because it’s really hot outside and the sun is beating down on you. The only thing that would make it somewhat worthwhile is if the building was actually on fire. Otherwise, you’ll just return to your cubicle with a sweaty shirt and oily hair. Great, you think.
Back to being in a crowd. You’re outside long enough to realize that it was a false alarm. Imagine that. As you and your co-workers prepare to go inside, someone stops, points upward, and says, “Look up in the sky! It’s a bird!”
What?! A bird?! Who gets excited about an unidentified bird? I’ll tell you who…my nephew, who’s not even two and is just learning to identify wild life. If someone is going to yell for everyone to look up at the sky, one of two things better be happening:
1. I’m in the club and somebody is about to make it rain.Times are tough. There’s no better American way to earn money than to scramble for it.
2. China figured out how to send over an Angry Bird. “Look up in the sky! It’s an Angry Bird!” YOU’VE GOT MY ATTENTION.
“It’s a plane!”
Wait, not so fast. Superman never flew with his hands out like the wings of an airplane. They were always in front of him in one way or another, so this is another ridiculous statement. Besides, by this point in absurdity, we’ve only graduated from misidentifying a bird to misidentifying a plane. Do you remember that crowd you were picturing earlier? Are you beginning to wonder what kind of crowd it is yet? Are you identifying who in your office is capable of a.) getting excited about a generic bird that is so far off into the distance that there’s no reason to ever cause a scene. b.) getting equally excited about a plane with no wings?
Finally, someone with the capability of sight. Trust this person. Although, in real life, they would probably say something closer to this effect: “Dude, are you kidding me? It’s Superman. A bird? Hold off on pointing to the sky until whatever you’re pointing to is more unique, like say, a UFO. From now on, I don’t trust anything any of you say. I’m going inside.”
By this point, you’re no longer excited to see Superman for the sake of seeing Superman. You’re excited about seeing Superman because you realize he’s the only chance you have of getting away from these people who’ve spent the entire time looking at mundane objects that typically spend most of their time in the sky anyway. The only excitement you experience is the realization that as everyone becomes preoccupied with Superman, you can get in your car and go home without anyone noticing.
Life is great. Now go pull the fire alarm.
Thanks for the afternoon off, Superman.