I want to smell good. I want my armpits to believe that a waterfall runs under my arms. I want them to think there is a whispering cloud that is raining in the fresh, spring air. I want them to question why I put scented candles under my arm. I’m sure you get the point.
I stand there in the deodorant aisle, with a very important decision to make. I think the only other great decision in life is the cereal decision. Maybe that’s because there are way too many choices when you’re standing in the cereal aisle, and because the cereals of my past stare me down and will never completely let me out of their grasp. BooBerry, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Apple Jacks, Frosted Mini Wheat’s. Oh my, back to deodorant.
I’m not loyal to deodorant. I think it’s because every couple of months there is a new scent out and we all know that newer sometimes equals better. As a result of my non-loyalty, I stand there, looking at every single stick of deodorant until something catches my eye. I try to make sure that I am the only one in the aisle. I don’t want people to notice how long it takes me to pick out a deodorant. That could cause me to rush, which would increase the likelihood of settling for a scent that I have worn in the past or something that smells similar to the deer urine that hunters use. I don’t need that.
Someone else in the aisle not only increases stress levels, it also increases my feelings of stupidity. Because of my fondness for new scents and my need to make the best deodorant decision possible, I tend to smell the deodorants. After all, I don’t want active sport to smell like active ass simply because I didn’t take the time to see what it smells like. So yes, I smell them. Anyway, that’s why I wrote this blog. I believe that stores need to have a separate room for deodorants, like a deodorant smelling room.
I don’t know if it’s normal to stand there and smell different deodorants before making a decision on which one you want to buy. In fact, I’ve personally never seen anyone do it. Maybe that’s why I’m always real hesitant to smell them when other people are around. I don’t know if I’m breaking deodorant aisle etiquette. What the heck is deodorant aisle etiquette anyway? Do you simply take off the deodorant cap, but not the little plastic cover and smell, or is it permissible to remove the cap AND the plastic cover before smelling? Do you just try to smell the outside and hope that it’s a proper representation of what’s on the inside? Do you not smell at all?
A separate room means that I wouldn’t have to find out the answer to these questions. I wouldn’t have to feel stupid at the thought of someone seeing me in the aisle smelling deodorants. I wouldn’t feel rushed when I’m in the middle of a sniff and I hear someone about the pass the aisle. S.I.P. Sniff in peace. That’s really all I’m asking for. No pressures, no embarrassment, just a really solid decision making process with as little outside interference as possible. Heck, the room should even be sound proof so that when I find the one I want I can yell “YEAH! THIS ONE’S IT!” That’s what we need more of in this country, not more McDonald’s or plastic surgery. Deodorant smelling rooms; Vote for me this election season, I’ll make it happen.