It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Let’s pretend I never left.
I kept thinking of the perfect way to say that, but I didn’t get beyond a few paragraphs. Instead, I have five wrinkled and wadded-up blog drafts in a virtual trash bin. Blogging is a lot harder than writing down a haiku on a napkin. I need to look into that.
Months ago, I began on a journey to blog five days a week. It was hard, but every night I’d write a post for the following morning. Since this is the busiest part of the year at work, my free time began to dwindle. Ten to twelve hour days killed a lot of my creativity – if killing creativity means putting your head down on a pillow and closing your eyes. I was exhausted.
Around the same time, I began preparing to host a CML Summit that the NCMLS/Novartis pharmaceuticals held here in Dallas. Although the logistics of my role were presented to me kind of last minute, it was a great experience. I even thought about blogging about it. I’m not sure what happened.
I wrote some other things for other websites, but over a period of time, I felt really strange about writing for my own. Out of nowhere, I began to battle weird feelings of fear. I was intimidated. I felt like I didn’t have anything interesting to say. I’d write and erase, write and erase. Nothing was making sense. Then I remembered Steven Pressfield’s prose on writing and how putting things down on paper is like using a muscle. The less you use it, the weaker you are. A double dutch jump rope sequence looked impossible. I knew my only option was to write again, no matter how the post turned out.
The problem was that my brain was eating pizza and ice cream every day. It felt awesome. Coming home after an eleven hour day, working out, showering, eating dinner, and reading online articles felt wonderful only because I was frustrated with the way work was getting in the way of my happiness. I was afraid to begin writing, run out of time or get incredibly tired, and be reminded of my situation all over again. It was easier to ignore it.
It all boiled down to a struggle with patience, a struggle I was losing. I was becoming impatient, fully wanting to engage in a world where my strengths are utilized and my creativity isn’t squashed by the mundane. I didn’t want any of those feelings to seep into the things I was writing. I didn’t want my blog to lack creativity.
I heard a quote by Martin Luther that refocused my mind on my efforts:
“Pray like it all depends on God, then when you are done, go work like it all depends on you.”
It’s really important to exercise your creativity. It’s hard work, but so is exercising your body. Running is a lot less complicated today than it was when I first walked into the gym. Now excuse me while I get my brain back into shape.